I Am Me
by Diana the Burninator
Summary: Delirium reflects on her existence and goes through her next change.


Author's Note: This is one of a group of stories I wrote a few years back, which I've finally decided to post here. Like I said, they're not very recent, so don't expect anything profoundly wonderful, but I hope the readers here enjoy them.  
  
Disclaimer: Delirium and all Sandman characters are the creations of Neil Gaiman and Mike Dringenberg and trademarks of DC Comics and Vertigo. This is a labor of love, and no money is being made off of it. Yadda, yadda, yadda...  
  
On with the show!  
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It had been so long. It had been countless years since she'd been Delight. Since her hair had flared out in all directions and colors. Since she had lost some of her innocence and gone...a little mad. She had become Delirium.  
  
She was sure that it had been at least a thousand years. Probably longer. Had it been before Destruction left? Yes. No. She couldn't remember.... Time didn't mean as much to the Endless as it did to most, especially to her. Del had trouble keeping up with the centuries.  
  
Still, she knew it had been a long, long time.  
  
Del walked aimlessly around her realm. Alone. Barnabas was gone. He'd been a special doggie, one that had talked with her and made her laugh and said many clever things. She'd loved him so so much. Still, he had been a dog and not immortal like her. One day, Barnabas, much older than most dogs could ever hope to be, had left her alone amidst the color and chaos of her world. She'd buried what he'd left beside by the pig pong. It had been several years at least since then, she was sure, or maybe not. She could have made another doggie companion for herself, but she'd chosen not to. Del knew that she'd miss him for a long time....  
  
Many years had passed in the universe since her older brother Dream had gone and come back. Of course, she knew not how many. In a way, she'd blamed herself. She still did sometimes when she let sanity get to her. Maybe if she hadn't missed Destruction so much, she wouldn't be missing Dream now. Maybe if she could have done the searching herself or gotten Death or Destiny to come with her, the old Dream would still be around.... Del sighed and collapsed beside her sundial, idly producing a few golden butterflies.  
  
It was shortly after the funeral that Del had tried to change. Seeing her dead brother float into the sky, into nothing, had made her think...clearly. For a little while, she'd tried to act more serious and be less bothersome to her family. Even though it had made Barnabas worry about her, Del had spent several hours...or decades, she wasn't sure...in her realm, just thinking. Finally, she'd talked to Dream, the new one, about it. He'd made her feel better for a while. She'd stopped forcing the change. Del wanted to be herself. After all, who else could she be?  
  
Things had gone along just peachy after that for a while, she recalled as she traced colors on the floor beside her with her pinky. Then, she really did begin to change. Every now and then, her eyes would flash a different color. The hues of her hair would become less vibrant and swirling. Del remembered Death mentioning it to her. "Del, are you okay? You seem a little...different."  
  
She shook her head wildly, though not as an answer. "I'm fine! Fine! Fine!"  
  
"Are you sure?" Del could still see the concerned look on her older sister's pale face.  
  
"Yes! Yeah! It's just..." she heard herself saying. She'd never finished. Instead, her image had just flickered out of the "normal" world, and she'd appeared where she was now. Not long after that, Barnabas had gone. How she missed him.  
  
Del had watched as the formless colors and crayon-scribbles that surrounded her faded and came back, only a little less...something...than she'd remembered. She couldn't remember what she'd forgotten. There were lots of things like that now.  
  
It had also been a long time since she'd ventured out of her realm. Del was still thinking. Somehow, the impact of it all...Dream's death, Barnabas's leaving, everything...had gotten to her. Sanity was creeping in. She fought it. "I am Delirium!" she screamed suddenly. "I am me! Who else could I be???" Her body quaking with sobs, Del buried her face in her arm, letting rivulets of multicolored tears flow down her cheeks and onto her torn denim sleeve. She wished for Death or Dream or anyone to be there. To hold her and call her Delirium. To tell her that it was all right.  
  
Her once wild, shocking hair now hung over her ear in waves. At the moment, it was a dark blue, thin locks of gold peeking through. Del's gray-blue eyes looked up from the shapes that her tears had stained into the cloth of her jacket. I was time she came out.  
  
They would think her changed. She wiped her face with her hand and stood up, using the sundial to steady herself. How could she have changed? "I'm still the same," she whispered to herself. "How could I be anyone but Delirium? Who else could I be? I am me.... Right?" She looked around in vain, waiting for someone who wasn't there to answer her.  
  
The air shattered around her, and Del walked into the waking world. "I am me," she reassured herself. And, she was herself. She was Delusion.  
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Story Notes: Just my interpretation of Del's next change, as mentioned by Destruction in Brief Lives... 


End file.
